Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
