I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
