My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
