As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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