She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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