We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
