I wannas sexs uuuuu
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
