I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
it's like iHOP with fire
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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