6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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