In the future we'll all be gay
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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