you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
