i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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