he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize