When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
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