the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Randomize
