You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
