You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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