walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Randomize
