so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
