I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize