i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
