Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I could fuck to npr.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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