I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
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