Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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