the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
