She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
