just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
