you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
