Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I want you more than these girls want KFC
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Randomize
