How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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