No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
