Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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