my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
