he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
