Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize