Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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