I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
