I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
