i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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