..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
