i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
