i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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