Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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