does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
