you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
