Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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