I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
