Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
