When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
