he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
