It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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