you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
