Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I'm having to shit out rocks
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