So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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