Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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