Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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