Fine. I'll sleep in my office
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
