I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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