I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
