How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize