you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
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