I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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