Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Randomize
