i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
