Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize