It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm getting married
To pizza
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
