**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Ketchup is God's man juice
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
