you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i dont even know how to be here
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
