i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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